Meaning
by larasGEE
Summary: Life was not fair. For him. For me. / Rivaere. YAOI. SUPER OOC. (you've been warned). AU. ah, and death-character.


**Meaning**

Shingeki no Kyojin (c) Isayama Hajime

(really really really) OOC, AU, yaoi, death-character, M-rated for a reason

Rivaere

* * *

(I seriously have to stop writing death-character. But, alas, just in my mood to write this. This is OOC. Really, really OOC. It was like I was just using their name and put it into another characters. Sorry. Haha, goddamn it. Whatever. Just try to enjoy this. Ah! Thanks to my professor who taught me about dementia, and some authors out there! You were all my muse!)

* * *

My name was Rivaille 'Levi'―a CEO of Scouting Legion Co.

I got the look, money, and power. Life is just fucking great.

Everyone in this city knew me. Every girls in this city wished that I could become their prince-charming. But, pity them.

I already had someone whom I desired. And that someone is a 'guy'. Never thought that I was a gay before, but here I was, staring at some certain guy who had a green wide eyes, with a sun-kissed skin, a perfect slender neck that I couldn't wait to taste.

Ah, did I mention who that sexy guy was?

He was my secretary. Yes, my secretary was a man. Actually, I didn't really care about gender; as long as they were fast, could meet my expectation, and surely were not annoying, I would gladly made them became my secretary. And at that time, he was there, registering himself. And that was the story how that sexy secretary was now sitting in front of me, eyes glued to some (important) papers.

My lover was just dependable. Not that I could not do that alone―

―did I tell you that sexy guy is also my lover?

Forget then. Yes, he was my lover.

Eren Jaeger was my secretarty; and lover.

"Boss?" He lifted his face a little and stared right to my eyes.

Damn.

"Hm?" I replied lazily; pretending to ignore him.

"Stop staring at me and go back to your work." He said confidently. His brows twitched a little when he spoke; a healthy blush made a way to his cheek.

_Damn brat._

"Eren. You go to my house tonight?" I changed the topic as I lowered my eyes and did what he told me; go back to this papers. Seriously. How much left? Did I have to work over-time again? Shit.

"My ass hurt." He whispered, and blushed like a virgin.

Now, _that_ was cute.

* * *

Every night Eren would come.

Even he said that his ass hurt, or he was busy, or this and that, but still; he would come.

And of course for one only reason.

"L-Levi..." He gasped, arched his back, bit his lips as he was trying to wrap his arms into my neck.

He was panting under me, moaning my name shamelessly as I thrusted harder and harder into his sweet spot.

"L-Levi... I... hh, co-hn, coming..."

His eyes shut tightly, body trembled slightly as his lips parted.

He came; spurting all his essence to my stomach and my chest. His awesome ass was gripping me tightly down there; making me hissed for a moment before releasing mine too.

I came inside him.

He hugged me tightly.

Ah, how I loved this moment.

* * *

When the morning came, I woke up and always realized that he would not be there by my side.

I knew where would he be.

Sighing, I pushed myself and walked out from my bedroom.

Chopping-sound was filling my house. Eren Jaeger would be there, cutting something, boiling something, wearing an apron, and humming quietly. His brown locks moved slightly.

Damn, maybe this was the feeling to have a wife.

"What are you cooking?"

He jerked his shoulder and turned his head.

He was standing not so far from me, blushing deeply, averting his eyes to side, biting his lip.

He did that after we fucked. He always did that. Blushing deeply like a teenage girl who saw her crush.

I meant... We'd fucked each other since forever! What was he shy for?

Cute, right?

* * *

Then again, I was too naive to know that happiness was just an illusion.

* * *

One morning, I was awakened by his hand. I growled as I slightly opened my eyes. He was there, his face was paled. I blinked and sat down fast.

"What's wrong?"

"L-Levi... I... I forgot why the fuck I was here for a short blink moment..." He whispered. His green eyes opened widely, his hands slightly trembled.

"Huh?" I responded dumbly.

"I was confused why I was in your bedroom just now! I was confused why I was not in my bedroom! Why was I forgetting things like that?" Eren tried hard not to yell out loud in the morning.

Now, I was the one who got confused. Could you forget something like _that_ after a really great-fucking-session?

Did... I fuck him too hard so he was forgetting himself for a moment?

Pft! As if.

I sighed and rubbed his head.

"You are tired, Eren. Just go back to sleep and I will cook." I stood up and forced his body to lie down. He seemed to not satisfied with my thoughts and was about to argue when I locked his lips with mine. For a good minute.

Now, he would shut his mouth for a goddamn minute.

"Be a good boy, Eren. What did I say to you? No secretary is allowed to oppose his boss."

* * *

But then, things were far from well. It was getting worse.

He forgot something easily.

He forgot to come to my house several times. He forgot to turn off the stove when he cooked. He forgot to lock the door when he went to work. He was absent several times too.

It was getting worse.

Worse than worst.

"Eren, we would see a doctor after work." I announced, no I asked... I meant, I was forcing him. He lifted his emerald eyes to meet mine; he seemed to think for a bit then nodded quietly.

Why did he have such expression?

* * *

Eren got dementia; early-onset dementia.

I did not really care what the doctor said at that moment. I had heard enough what I wanted to hear.

Eren was not tired. He got a damn sickness.

Ah, wait. It was not a sickness afterall. It was not a virus, and it was not a syndrome either.

His brain just decided to break; to kill; to die.

He would not be able to remember something new in the future, he maybe remembered about his past; maybe not. He had the chance to forget _everything_ in his life; slowly, but surely.

He would forget about me―about us.

He would forget everything.

He might die because he forgot something so essential; like eating, or sleeping, even breathing.

GOD. How could YOU make someone forget to take a breath?

And it could _not_ be cured.

I knew everyone would die. I would die too, someday. Sooner. Later.

But,

What the fuck?

* * *

We got to my house safely. I did not even know how it was possible; I did not remember driving my car at all.

Eren did not cry. Although I knew he was trying his hardest not to cry. His face was pale. Lips were trembling. Eyes was not focus.

I gripped his hand hard. He lifted his eyes and looked at me.

"You can cry."

I thought my words were a trigger. He cried instantly. Sobbing like there would be no tomorrow, making my coat soaking wet with his tears as he hugged me tightly.

I did nothing.

Fucking nothing.

I felt something in my chest fell into pieces.

But still, nothing.

* * *

That night was the first night we did not fuck; despite that we were naked each other.

We just silently stared each other; nothing came from our mouths.

What was God planning this time?

"I will forget about you." He broke the silent. His voice was so low, it was almost inaudible. But for a certain reason, I could hear those words perfectly.

"So? I will just introduce myself to you again then."

"I will forget everything about us. I will die without remembering anything. I will just die. Alone." He did not seem to care my words. He just kept repeating to say 'die', 'forget', 'sorry'. But he never said those three magic words anymore.

How I missed him saying how truly he loved me.

After the torturing-session finished, he started to cry again.

And again.

I really wished I could stop that crying.

"Has I done something bad so God is hating me? What have I done?" He whispered.

* * *

Life was not fair.

For him.

For _me._

* * *

Next several days, he came to me and gave me his letter of resignation. I knew this day would come.

I took it. I read it. I put it on my desk. I lifted my eyes and stared at him.

"Thank you for being so kind to me, _Boss_." He nodded; his move was so stiff. I did not reply his nod, I did not even do anything. I just stared blankly.

After some good seconds had passed, he nodded once more before turning his back and walked away.

He intended to leave me; to forget me.

To _erase _me.

How could he do that?

_To me?_

He walked, and walked, and walked.

One step. Two steps. Three steps.

I blurted out something that made him stop his steps.

"Eren. When will you move to my house?"

He stopped.

And cried again; with his trembling back facing my face.

* * *

Finally we lived together. Our life got back like before. Our love life too.

Every night, we would fuck hard. Harder than before. Longer, more intense.

All of those stupid dementia-things were just like a really long bad dreams. We two decided to not discuss _that _matter any further.

Every living things died.

Every living things died.

Every living things would just fucking died.

* * *

**Three months **had passed since then.

Eren would ask me where was the toilet.

I smiled and told him.

He would ask me what was he doing before he got that damn fucking dementia-something.

I told him that he was my secretary before.

He smiled happily.

He felt happy because he was my secretary.

"I am happy. Was I useful? Did I do a good job when I was your secretary?" He would asked something so trivial like that.

And I would happily answer him.

"Hmm. So I was like that. It sounds like I was some kind of cheeky brat." He responded; mildly chuckled.

I loved hearing him chuckled like that.

"Levi?" Thank you God he still remembered me.

"Thank you so much. I love you. It won't change. You know that, right?"

He still remembered I was his lover.

* * *

God was so cruel.

* * *

One day, I gave him _ddeokbokki; _one of korean snack that he used to buy long time ago.

One of his favorite snack.

"What's this?" He would ask me.

I smiled and handed it over to him. "Some snack that I bought just now. It tastes good."

He sniffed the snack and furrowed his brows. "It smells gross! Do you think I will like this?"

"Yes. Believe me." I answered simply.

He ate it.

He believed my words.

"WOW! Even it smells so gross, it tastes actually good! I won't get bored to eat it everyday!"

* * *

**Ten months **had passed.

He had forgotten about me.

So fast, huh?

Every time we bumped each other _in my apartment_―hell, he did not even realize that he lived in someone's apartment;Eren would nodded slightly and introduced himself.

"How do you do? I am Eren Jeager."

And I would nodded my head and introduced myself.

"How do you do. I am Levi."

Then he would pronounce my name casually. "Levi. Wow. You got a really nice name."

And all I could do was saying "Thank you."

He smiled cheekily and then walked to his rooms.

And whenever he saw me next time, he would introduce himself from the beginning.

"How do you do? I am Eren Jeager."

* * *

When the midnight came, I would sneak to his room. Checking if he was okay.

He would sleep with that calm-baby-face.

I smiled slightly.

But, still, did nothing.

* * *

**Twelve months **had passed.

I often took my day-off these past few days; don't forget that I was a goddamn CEO. I could take my day-off whenever I wanted. Eren was starting to make me worry.

He had forgotten about everything.

His name; his life.

He was like a robot who got his memory reset every damn minute.

He would walk and the next second, his foot would just stop in the mid-air; making him fell down.

His brain _forgot _to take the next step.

Why the fuck his brain did something so harmful like that?

Damn stupid brain.

And some random days, he would just sit in front of television without doing nothing. Really nothing. Not eating; sleeping; even blinking.

I thought that maybe... I would die sooner. Maybe before him.

I couldn't sleep well these past few days. Every damn second that I had, I would use it to check him.  
I was afraid.

Even though he did not remember me, his body was still remained.

That was all I asked.

* * *

I said that was all I asked.

But then again. God was just playing with me.

After 2 weeks having this kind of trouble sleeping, my body gave up.

I slept.

Really really slept.

* * *

And the next morning when I opened my eyes, I had this kind of strange feeling.

I blinked and turned my head.

He was there.

Still sleeping with his calm-baby-face.

But something was different from the past days; that morning, he did not breathe.

I stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Without my knowing, tears just fell down.

Why? Was it because I did not blink for some minutes, so my eyes hurt and the tears just fell?

* * *

Doctor said he died around midnight.

He didn't breathe, then he just died.

I even wondered, why didn't he struggle in his sleep when he couldn't breathe?

I laughed. What was that?

_Die because forget to breathe?_

Is there any lame excuse beside that?

* * *

What was life, actually?

**.**

**.**

**FIN**

* * *

**A/N**: okay, that's it. Lame ending, huh? Did I make them both tooooo OOC? Well, you have been warned nyahaahah :P I like to kill Eren. Damn. Sorry Eren's fans.

**A/N**: err, I know about this dementia-thing from my professor. BUT, my major doesn't study this things too well, just the basic. SO, those whole dementia-things were from my prof. He said that dementia had really many, like **REALLY MANY** different types. Most of them didn't just die that fast, didn't just forget everything. BUT, someone, or maybe two, had got that kind of dementia. Forget everything; forget how to _live. _So yeah-I used that to kill Eren. THANKS A BUNCH PROF!

**A/N**: And I really have to stop this writing-styles. It makes me lazy to think. Guh. Any similarities were purely coincidence. Ah! Grammatical error may be found. Spare me. Not my mother tongue. Still learning~


End file.
